I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
one might say we're banned from that church
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I DEMAND FORESKIN
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
