I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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