Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
