you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
