I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
