Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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