You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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