READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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