and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
