Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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