Can i not drive my cunt home
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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