well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
