**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
