i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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