its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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