This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
