Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
