sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
