Pappa wants mamma naked
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
