You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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