I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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