I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
