Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
