She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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