I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
