Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
