If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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