So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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