Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
