All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
