We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
