we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
