I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
