Umm I'm too high to move.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
