never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
