hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
