I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
