Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
