i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
