There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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