Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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