Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
