You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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