So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
