Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
