I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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