Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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