Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
