what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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