You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
