6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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