you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
