her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
